margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
