My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
