You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
