She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
