why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
