how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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