who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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