Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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