omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
