I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize