My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
