We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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