I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
