A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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