when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
