UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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