He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
