Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
