then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's JV to your varsity
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
