do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
