just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
