Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
