she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
