My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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