The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
sex in a hospital.. check
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
