Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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