I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
