You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
