Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
