I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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