So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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