Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
