omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
