"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize