but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
