in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
