His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
