He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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