So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
