I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
