i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
