My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
