His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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