I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
