Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
