you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
