i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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