You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
