I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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