i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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