mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I understand Curling. That high.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
