K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
