Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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