yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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