He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
