the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
