She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
