I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm at about main and main street
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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