so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
