GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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