i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
