Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
