I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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