Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
