Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
