Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
