it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
