I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
