One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
