Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
