i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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