Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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