Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize