how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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