she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
