Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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