The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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