Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
