is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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