ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
