He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
