I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
