if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
