I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
