You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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