I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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