I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize