Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
