girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize