I wish my penis had an off switch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You are a genius and a whore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
