can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
