While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
