Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
