He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
