He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
