Your dad touched me again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
