All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
