making cat noises will not fix the situation.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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