you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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