He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
