R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
