Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
