Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
