The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no, he came in my armpit
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
