she looked like the before picture.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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